MD 407 – Scissor Pit w/ Brian Shutter (Neon Lords of the Toxic Wastes, 1-900-Phantazy, Zombie Braineaters)

MD 407 – Scissor Pit w/ Brian Shutter

The Extreme Pogo Origami International League fights in The Scissor Pit arena, a circular brick structure that has fifteen L-shaped, platform levels that are floating at different elevations above a large pit filled with deadly implements designed to excite the audience of rich gambling fanatics that watch from above. 

After each full round of combat, the fans throw a barrage of paper money, origamied into ninja stars, paper footballs, paper chainsaws, etc… Each combatant must make a save to dodge this barrage and not fall into the pit. 

Each combatant is given a specialized pogo stick and its matching paper weapon. They start on the top platform and fight in a battle royale to the last person standing. Anyone who touches the contents of the pit is eliminated. The winner gets to collect the thrown money in addition to a significant cash prize.

The traditional pit is filled with scissors, but sometimes they’ll shake things up by filling the pit with, roll 1d10: 1) balls, 2) slime, 3) spikes, 4) a sarlacc, 5) shredded paper (death by a thousand cuts), 6) fire, 7) turtles, 8) gelatinous cubes, 9) water, 10) syringes, etc…

1d6 Paper-wielding pogo warriors:

1. Spring-heeled Jack wears a Union-Jack-flag cape and a paper top hat. He wields a paper cane with a hidden paper knife inside, and rides a Victorian-era penny-farthing pogo stick with one big wheel.

2. Rocket wears an asbestos-lined, fire-retardant, Evel Knievel style jumpsuit with a crash helmet. He wears paper bat wings with razor blade edges to cut enemies, allowing him to easily glide to lower platforms instead of falling. This daredevil rides a rocket booster pogo stick that can blast him to the top platform while burning everyone in his path.

3. Mead (The Note-orious One) wears a Plissken-style single-colored tank top, and black & white composition-notebook-patterned camouflage pants. His pogo stick matches that pattern, and has distinctive handlebars with tassels. Its hand lever triggers fire out razor-confetti that can cut one to ribbons. His catch phrase is, “I put the die in diary!”

4. Paper Back is a duo. The massive, super-muscled Paper rides an industrial jack-hammer pogo stick that can damage the platforms. His Kuato-looking twin brother Back rides on Paper’s shoulders, armed with a spitball blowgun. He aims for the eyes.

5. The Grid, a doodlemancer, wears a blue graph-paper dress with a pocket protector filled with pens. When she draws on her dress, the arena’s layout changes to her specs. She rides an ‘80s synthwave, Hackerman™ time-travel pogo stick that allows her to hack space-time and teleport while inside the arena. She shoots a blue, glowing, moving-matrix-code net from the bottom of her pogo stick.

6. Paper Jam, The Copy Catter wears a middle-management office shirt and tie tucked into khaki slacks, and loafers. His hair is slicked to the side and covered by kitty cat head phones. He rides a massive copy machine pogo stick that can copy other warriors’ paper attacks, and plays jock jams from its speakers to hype himself up.

Art: Tiger Wizard  Words: Steve Albertson

Story by: Andrew Bellury, Steve Albertson, Brian Shutter

Appendix N: Gwar, Robocop (1987), Frankie Freako (2024), Psycho Goreman (2020), Freddy Freaker, The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987), Dawn of the Dead (1978), Zombie (1979), Gate of Hell (1953), Dead Alive aka Braindead (1992), Shaun of the Dead (2004), Zombieland (2009), The Dead Don’t Die (2019), 28 Years Later (2025), Resident Evil 2: Apocalypse (2004), Underworld (2003), Walking Dead franchise, Cemetery Man (1994), Return of the Living Dead (1985), The Running Man (1987 and 2025), Forbidden Psalms, Vast Grimm, Sex Pistols, Ramones, The Clash, Battle Royale (2000), Joust (Atari), Saw 2 (2005), Scissor Sisters, Passion Pit, Super Smash Bros., Street Fighter 2, Bloodsport (1988), Spider-Man (2002), American Gladiators, Escape From New York (1981), Bane (Batman), Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome (1985), Total Recall (1990), Kung Fury (2015), Paper Mario, Unbeatable Banzuke.